Friday, December 9, 2011

I'm Not a Dancer

No matter how you look at it, I'm just not. I'm not graceful. I can't make my body sway, unless holding a tiny baby, in which case I naturally rock back and forth to that mysterious music that is an infant.
The point of all this, baffling as I'm sure it no doubt is, is that I have a new Denise Austin workout video. I've been a fan for quite a while. It all started in a tiny apartment in Albany, OR. It was a cheap place to live, complete with "special" neighbors, and a gang of children who oddly decided "tu casa is mi casa" or something to that effect. (No Spanish is not a language I have any sort of fluency in.) Seriously, these kids would just walk into our house and ask for candy. Had to start locking the doors and pretending not to be home in order to get any peace.
This is all beside the point. I could do a long post on all the weird that went down at that flat, actually it's part of a book I started writing way back then which continues to sit incomplete on my computer along side quite a few other beauties. One of these days... But I really will focus. The point is, Jessie got me hooked on Denise. There is something about this woman who is now in her fifties and still looks and moves like she's 25 fhat is positively infectious. She has some of the best catch phrases EVER!
"If you don't squeeze it, no one else will."
"Burn that butter."
"Shuffle, Shuffle, Shuffle, Squat."
"You'll look GREAT in a bathing suit."
Just a few faves there. She does it all with a smile. Workouts that make my whole body burn, and the air come in little painful bursts from my body, and she smiles and chats just like you're sitting in a cafe drinking coffee. It's the sort of thing that would generally make me want to slap a person, but you just gotta love Denise.
Beyond all these things, she manages to make every move she makes look like she's dancing. I don't care if it's kick boxing, or basic stretches, the woman has moves! Sadly, I just don't. I'm sure that if anyone actually were to watch me through the lace curtains on the fourth floor (which I swear is literally - and thankfully - impossible) they couldn't help but laugh.
Right now I'm still just trying to get a basic handle on the new routiens. I'm sure that in a few weeks, if I manage to keep it up, I'll at least look slightly less like a bumbling idiot. I'll figure out where she's going next, and hopefully my body will respond in a positive way to the exercise in order to counteract all the heavy greasy food we eat around here. I don't care what people say about American cuisine (or lack thereof) the Czech's definitely know how to lay it all on thick. From creamy sauces and hearty dumplings, to fried cheese and krokety, my only hope is that Denise will keep my rear in gear, even if she can't make me svelt and graceful.
Just a little heads up here at the end, we're heading to Germany this afternoon for the weekend. Time to wrap my mind back around language number three. I did manage to send birthday greetings on the phone to our niece Jenny who just turned 11. Quite a feat actually. At least in person you can rely on body language, but talking on the phone has to be one of the most challenging skills to master.
So, language overload, here we come. Should be good fun. :)

No comments: