Living the Life Self-Employed

I think there is something misleading about being Self-Employed. It makes it sound as though a person is somehow in control of their destiny. It implies a certain amount of freedom and self-possession. What it really means is that suddenly EVERYTHING is upon you. The "really" fun part is having no clue what "everything" entails.

Maybe it has something to do with laziness, but I've always rather enjoyed letting someone else worry about the details. Just tell me what to do, and chances are, I can manage to do it. But leave it up to me to figure everything out, and it's almost guaranteed to be a mistake.

Sure, I can manage to travel around the world on my own. I can manage my own money, and make sure the most important details are taken care of, but this is a little beyond that. I'm not trying to complain. I'm just trying to figure out what all the hoopla is about being a self-employed business owner. Rather than feeling like I have discovered financial freedom, I've managed to reinstate a frenzied level of stress and worry that has my back tied in ridiculous knots. Sadly, I'm a long way from a Chinese or Balinese spa treatment. (sigh)

On a positive note, good things are happening all around me. Over Memorial Day weekend I was blessed to go to my friend Savana's wedding down in Seiad Valley, CA. It was amazing to be able to drive my husband down the Klamath River and introduce him to the world and some of the people from my childhood.

Then, on June first, my sister Julie had her third child. It'll be a couple months before I have the chance to give little Myrtle Lark Hopper a proper cuddling, but it's a blessing to know there's a fresh baby out there just waiting to meet her Auntie Sarah.

On Friday, my nephew Tyler rocked it on the baseball field. Not only did he score a run, he also caught three hits to right field, sending the batters straight out and helping his team take home the Oregon State Championship at the 3A level! It was so fun to be there to cheer him on, just like we cheered his little brother Jack on when his 9 and 10s little league team won state last summer.

I keep telling myself I'll post at home one of these days so I can add photos, but it keeps not happening. (sigh) At least I managed to get another round of editing done on my challenge book. Now I have to will myself to figure out how to get it out in the hands of hopefully eager readers to help boost that self-employed summer income...

Poetry in the Post Office

I don't have a lot of time to write these days. Quite frankly, I don't have a whole lot of time for anything. The past three weeks I've been working 6 days a week. With the hour long commute in each direction that means I get home in the evening ready to do nothing in particular. With the introduction of TV and internet back into our house as of Friday, that means I'm one again thankful to erase any thoughts in design heaven, or smother them with images of fanciful food. Perhaps the fact that my house looks more like we're about to move out than in, and the kitchen has yet to be cooked in (except when my parents visited and did the cooking for us a bit ago) makes this guilty pleasure even more pathetic, but also necessary.

So I can't say that I feel like much of a writer at the moment. My novel is still in the hands of reviewers, and I haven't even had the energy to check in with any of them. I'm still getting regular e-mails from self pub outfits, and I'm just stockpiling them in my inbox along with all the ads for high priced gadgets, fabulous home decor (which would no doubt clash with the brown flowered couches that are older than me but still look essentially new), sweet scented soaps, and photo developing services. I keep saying that once I get into a flow I'll have time to start up Czech lessons, get more writing done, start journaling again, and connect with human beings outside of my work environment. But figuring out when normalcy is going to hit, or when I'm going to resign myself to the fact that work and TV are about all I have time for anymore if I want to maintain my sanity, I don't know. Every now and again I ponder those new year's revolutionary ideas, and then I start thinking about finances again and everything else disappears. I certainly did not see this future as we stood in the snow in Marianske Lazne watching Karel's fireworks sparkle dazzlingly in the sky.

In the end, all I can really say is, we have twentieth century poet stamps for sale in the post office, and that makes my little English major heart swell with joy. Sylvia Plath on a stamp. Is there any other word for that than "magical?" I think not.

Publishing 101

Well, I had planned a nice blog with pictures, talking about the family trips over the weekend, but the computer that contains said photos, has decided it doesn't want to connect with the internet. In this era of technology, it would be so nice if all forms decided to work equally. Instead, they seem content to each have their own peculiarities and refusals. Therefore, I am picture free at the moment, and words will have to suffice.

The topic heaviest on my mind at the moment, is clearly publication. I'm trying to do my research and decide which option is the best, but it's a tricky sort of thing. This is largely due to the fact that:
1) I love "real" books that you can hold in your hands and feel and smell. Sure, it's nice to have the ease of carrying all your books in one place, and being able to still highlight, underline, leave notes, etc. it just isn't the same as having a paper copy.
2) I like having my hand held. It's nice having someone to take care of things. I would love to put my book/books out there, and know that they are in capable hands that understand the system and will see to it that it/they are run through all the proper circles. I realize this is a fairy tale approach, and until you actually achieve success the publishing companies don't go out of their way to take care of you even if they do agree to put your words in print, but things like taxes self promotion and paying taxes always scare me.
3) There is still a part of me that says self-publishing is a cop out. Anyone can self publish. And I have read the results of that truth. They aren't pretty. There is a stigma there, and it's hard for me to get around it.

So, while it seems that the fastest, most efficient, and most likely way to turn a profit is to self-publish, I'm still sitting here and twidling my thumbs. I've found numerous sites that can make this sort of publication a reality quickly. The one my husby set before me today has some initial fees, but the writer recieves 100% returns. That sounds pretty good to me, and the fees are not unreasonable. They provide the option of buying a print set as well, and have various helpful tools available at a decent price. Other sites allow you to do all the publishing elements for free (naturally providing extra services for sale) but they take a small cut of the returns.

I'm also torn on the topic of self-promotion. My blog, which I do adore, has a fairly microscopic readership. According to the "official following," I can only claim ten, and when I check where my stats come from, they're connected to sites that look pretty bogus if you ask me. So how do I take what little I have, and turn it into a fan club that will actually buy my books and bring me a profit? The topic of "twitter" has come up as well. I'm still having trouble figuring out the exact point of "tweeting." And again, how do you get people to read what you have to say if they don't know you? That's the big mystery. While all the people who follow me on Instagram think my photos are lovely, they're all people I know. I use facebook as a place to keep up with family and friends. I haven't the foggiest idea how to turn it into an actual social network that allows for business opportunities. Clearly, marketing has never been my strong point. That's part of the reason I finished my university education and got a job working in a lumber mill. Yup, I've got lots of life experiences, but how do I get people to care?

Oh the dilemmas. If anyone out there has thoughts, input, advice, a willingness to open up some dialogue, I would be more than grateful for comments and things to consider. Thanks.

Happy Groundhog's Day?

If there is any reality behind the "theory of Groundhog's Day," I can only hope that it does not extend beyond the borders of the United States. The little corner of Europe where I've been hanging out most of the winter has been attacked by a vicious coldfront this week. The temperature this morning when I drug myself out of bed to make my lovely husband coffee? -17 C (translates to about 1F) Yes, folks, nippy would be an understatment.

In contrast with these sub freezing temperatures, the sun is shining and it looks beautiful outside. One step into the wind, however, and you're instantly left wondering what could possibly have possessed you to think that going outside was a good idea. So, clearly, I'm hoping that the dire predictions of 6 more weeks of winter don't take affect here. I'm not excited by the idea of freezing excessively for the last few weeks that we're here in Czech.

In other news, I've spent a chunk of today looking into different publishing options. What a tangled web that is! With my recent book through the first round of editing, and into the hands of a few interested pre-readers already (others potentially interested in having a go with a critique can contact me and we'll chat about what I'm looking for) it is time to start the next phase of the prospect.

I can't deny that I'm a chicken when it comes to things like this. When I was in high school I wrote a couple of novels. The first one I actually sent out to publishers with stars in my eyes. The little stack of rejection letters, mostly forms, but at least one with a hand written encouragement of sorts, were enough to let me know that publishing isn't for the faint hearted. It's not just that I don't do very well with critiques, it's more that rejection is a bitter pill to swallow. I have no connections in the publishing world. I've read this and that about options, from finding an agent to self-publising, and in the end, I'm left with a spinning head and an upset stomach.

It could be that I'm just lazy. I don't relish the task of hunting down someone who is going to champion my writing to it's fullest potential. It is definitely true that I have that fear of rejection thing hanging around my neck. Regardless of the number of times I've read something and though, I could do better than that, I have nothing to show for it. I'm not a little girl anymore, dreaming of what I might be when I grow up. I'm a full fledged married adult who still hasn't figured out how to get a decent job or publish a book... Pathetic.

I don't want to let my dreams of being a published author die, but neither do I want to rush out and make a poorly informed decision. I've checked out a lot of self publishing sights, but for all that they claim, I haven't heard of any of their books. And since I haven't even figured out how to get the people I know to consistently read my blog updates, how can I expect total strangers to decide to not just pick up a book I wrote, but to actually pay good money for it. The very thought baffles me beyond belief.

Working myself into a frenzy isn't very difficult. It would be great if we lived in a world of dreams come true, where all you have to do is put yourself out there and things will magically happen. But that is not the world we live in. We live in a fallen world of shattered hopes and endless fears. I don't want to become a victim to my own insecurities, but I also don't want to make any foolish mistakes.

For now, I guess, I'll just keep looking at my options and trying to stay warm until this Arctic chill blows over.

When Snow Turns to Soup it's Just Plain Gross!!

Well, apparently editing has been keeping me plenty busy, seeing as how I've almost missed out on my two blog a week quota. I'm about half way through, so I'm feeling pretty good about things. Sometimes I want to kick myself in the head when I see how many times I use certain phrases. When I was doing edits on Daughter's of the Pond, I kept discovering the phrase "once again." I tried to cut down on that in the original writing round, but in my current book I kept finding how many times I wrote the phrase "a bit," or threw in words like "just" or "that" which are completely unnecessary half of the time. Always a growing process I guess. The thing is, when you're writing blog posts, or e-mails, or journal entries it's okay to let little things like that go. They're part of what makes it all feel quaint or voice like. In a novel, however, you're going to end up with readers taking a tally and maybe wanting to flush your book to get the sound of your voice out of their heads. I'm hoping not to end up in that situation. I haven't really been brutal or anything. My word count has waffled back and forth over about 200 words in each direction, so I feel weeding things out and clarifying when needed. It's also easier in an edit to see the places where you had a great word choice idea, but then forgot that you'd used the same brilliant word two sentences earlier, and threw it in a second time. Oh the joys. Anyhow, I'll keep this brief as I have a train to catch before the end of the hour. The lovely snow that fell yesterday has sadly been rained upon. It started in the evening, and seems to have continued on and off leaving it a sickening slushy slog. I can't say I'm all that excited to walk through it to the station, but I am looking forward to the trip. I get to spend the weekend with some lovely friends in the south of Czech. When I visited them three years ago they had a beautiful fat squishy baby for me to play with, as well as three adorable older children. Since then, their number has climbed to 6 in total, including one who is under a year. Yeah! Can't wait. Will miss the husby, but I'm sure a little cuddle with baby time will keep me from getting depressed :) No doubt there will be some glorious smilling pictures to come.

Tri králové (three kings)

Yesterday (January 6) is the day traditionally observed as Three Kings Day. This would be when the three wise men arrived with their gifts to bring the baby Jesus. While gifts are not exchanged, I have been told that people dressed up as the three kings do wander around and leave blessings on the lintels of doors by writing this symbol K+M+B+12 (the 12 represents the current year. I have not ever actually seen the kings at their work, but have seen the chalk markings throughout my travels through the Czech Republic. This day also signifies the end of the holiday season. Decorations are taken down and the tree is removed. The flat we live in here is on the fourth floor of an apartment building. Even though the tree is not very big, it would be a bit of a hassle to carry it down the elevator, not to mention the big mess that the needles would make. The solution? My mom-in-law opened the window while Mark and I went downstairs to make sure the area was clear. We were only just in time to see the tree taking flight and landing on the snow below. Wow. I guess that's one way to do it. Speaking of snow, it seems to have returned. On Thursday, we took a little drive over the Germany to check out an electronics store there. Mark doesn't seem to understand how his mother and I can enjoy hours on end of shopping in clothing stores, but you put him in a big room filled with electrical wires and headphones and he could wander around talking about circuits and gadgets all day long. Sure, he might be speaking English, but I have no clue. All the same, I'm happy enough as long as he's enjoying himself. There's something about new things wrapped up in plastic packaging and shinty new boxes that always gives me a thrill. Blasted consumerism. I'm a total sucker, but also completely happy to leave empty handed. Looking is good enough for me. On the drive home, the wind and rain continued to make an absolute nuisance of themselves. As I watched out the back seat window, the racing drops of water seemed to collect themselves into waves that shifted into ghostly appartitions in the wind. It was really fascinating to watch. Then, all at once, the rain morphed into snow. My eyeslids grew heavy, and a few minutes later Mark woke me up and pointed out the window. What had been a water logged landscape on our drive in, had turned to snowy fields and trees blessed with sparkling white frocks. A total turn around. Later in the afternoon, the in-laws went for another little drive and came back with a brand now 42" widescreen 3D television. Wow! It's pretty cool. There are 7 pairs of glasses in an array of colors. My father-in-law was a bit distressed that there was only one black pair. :) The TV has this nifty feature where it can even take regular 2D programming, and translate it into 3D. Who knew? And now for the news I'm sure everyone has been waiting for with bated breath: The book is done. And by done, I mean that there is a decent quality first draft resting peacefully on my ipad until I have a chance to start editing. I've decided to give it the weekend to rest, but then I intend to go over it with a fine tooth comb. Unlike the books I have completed in the past, this one was written with no prep work. I came up with the basic idea about 5 years ago on a drive from Blodgett, OR to Moscow, ID. It's sitting somewhere in a journal, but I never forgot the premise, so when Mark gave me the 90 day challenge, I thought it would be a good story to start with. Now I need to go back and make sure things fit together. The problem with just letting a story take you where it will without any sort of outline or character sketches is that it is easy to have the end disconnect from the beginning. Of course, having written it over such a short span of time has made it easier to keep a handle on things, but there are still adjustments that have to be made. And after that? Only time will tell.

First Photos of 2012, and a few from '11

It's been a while since I added in any photos. I got a bit wordy there at the end of the year, so here's a chance to mix things up a bit once more. We'll start off with a couple from Christmas. Sorry no people. They're a bit shy around here, and rather cautious about being posted all over the internet. Perhaps I'm just naive in thinking it's not such a big deal, but I do my best to preserve the preferences of others, so I give you a mostly person free photo post.

Here's your chance to see a bit of my mom-in-laws style. Her cookies are fabulous (and still coming out of boxes every few days to maintain the beauty of the cookie plate. It seems they make up a ton of cookies before Christmas, and then continue to dole them out over the next month or so) and the Christmas tree is exquisite. I got to help with the tree, but wisely stuck to putting only the variety she was currently hanging on at any given moment.

We had a lovely layer of snow everywhere from Christmas up through New Year's Eve. It was positively festive, but now it has been completely washed away, leaving the ground all soupy and g-ross! These shots were from one of my Christmas shopping days :)

On the day Tammy and I went to visit our friend Che, who now lives WAAAAAY out in the middle of Czech nowhere, I had flashbacks to my Winfield days with this little lunch snack. My first year I had one of these cheese buns with cheese spread, meat and tomato together with coke and paprika potato chips essentially every school day. Yes, boring it may seem to some, but I'm rather a creature of habit if the truth be known. Perhaps the very fact that my life has been so random and all over the place necessitates such food rituals. Right now I'm eating primarily a roll with yogurt every day for breakfast, and any time I prepare food for myself it's a sandwich similar to those I ate back at Winfield.

Before making this little trek, Tammy and I searched the internet to discover "things to do in Olovi" and came up with a big fat lot of nothing. For those with a vague feeling for this part of the Czech countryside, it's a little village tucked up in the forest about 11 KM from Sokolov. We really had to slog through some nasty stuff to make it to Che's house, but it was worth it to have a chance to visit with her and to see her adorable baby Kathleen ;)

Perhaps the oddest bit of the journey is what we found in the Sokolov train station:

Really not sure where all the fantasy came from, but it did amuse us, especially since my book deals with dragons...Just a little teaser as the countdown to the end of my challenge is seriously on. I'm down to just a couple of days, and am at 93,554 words and 184 pages... Here are a couple more pictures leading up to New Year's and the end of the snow. Marianske Lazne is a lovely place to be certain.

These, by all rights, should be in my last post, but I'll just tack them in here. They are the before and after fireworks photos. Seriously, an amazing display of pyrotechnics :)

And now to finish it all off, yesterday we finally had a chance to go back and see the cottage. It made me quite nostalgic for all that back breaking work during the summer I spent here. There is still a long way to go, but it's looking great from the outside. Oh, and I did manage to squeeze one person in. That's right, the one who's not afraid to pose, despite being completely not photogenic.

Hope you enjoyed the show. Stay tuned for more to come :)

2012: Now Official Worldwide

Well, over here in the Czech Republic we brought in the new year with a BANG! And a pretty serious one at that. My father-in-law is amazing in the pyrotechnic department. It might have taken a little while to get it set up, but that just meant that all the amatuers were finished so they could enjoy a real show. I've got a few pictures of the set up, and I'll try to get them in later, but for now, just trust me, it was amazing. I have now experienced New Years celebrations in 5 different countries, and I have to say that the fireworks here were by far the most exciting. We didn't go into the middle of town to see the craziness there, but out here in our little corner there were all sorts of people setting things on fire and letting them shoot up into the air all over the place. However, at the end of our display there was actually applause. Nice! The rest of the evening was spent quietly watching TV, including some New Year's celebration from 1979 which was pretty interesting. Defintely a different era. This country sure has been through a lot during it's long and tumultuous history, and I wish it the best in the coming year. I've also been thinking a bit about resolutions. I think I mentioned before that I've been hearing a lot more about goals vs. resolutions. There seems to be something mroe palatable in the idea of a goal that you are striving for, rather than a complete an unequivocal change in lifestyle. Some of these are rather general ideas, and others are things brought up by my inspiring husband, so let's see what I can come up with... 1) Collecting more than 5 recipes (not counting cookies) that I am not freaked out to get in the kitchen and make. 2) Publish an e-book (this one is from Mark, who is encouraging me to put out some of my old stories as free books to start creating a following) 3) Contact traditional publishers with my (soon to be) completed manuscript. 4) Finish up some of the other books I have lying around on various devices in various stages. 5) Get a job (did I mention these are in no particular order?) 6) Work on creating a more balanced and healthy lifestyle, as opposed to my general lackadaisical approach (this is partly due to the fact that, while I might still feel 23, my body has slightly different and more bloated ideas.) 7) Scrapbook of my wedding 8) General crafting incorporation into life. (I'm hoping that once we have our own place and can sort of set things up I can create a better system so it doesn't take so much effort. I'd really like to work more with the journal making project that I came up with last summer and see where it can take me.) 9) Find a way to integrate myself more into local life, wherever it is that we "end up." 10) Try to join a writer's group. 11) Improve my Czech. (This is a constant, endless, and frustratingly impossible goal, but it is something I always want to try. In my dreaming of 'someday's I imagine sitting in a real classroom with other language learners, studying Czech in a serious sort of way, but it's not likely to come anytime soon.) 12) Improve my blogging record. It would be great to hit the 100 mark. That only means a couple blogs a week, and if I stay focused I don't see why that shouldn't be manageable. I'm considering monetizing as well, but that's still in the air. There are more things bouncing around in my head right now, but I'll stick with this as it's already a long list. as always, I want to live more, love more, and experience God more. There is so much in life to enjoy and experience, whether in good times or in bad, and I hope to continue making a concentrated to be engaged in the life that I am living, rather than just passively letting it slip by me. So I end again with Happy New Year! and wish whoever stumbles upon this humble blog of mine all the best in life and health and love and joy in this new year.

Record Breaking

Well, I've done it. I've managed to write more posts in a month than I ever have before. This has been quite an up and down one in my own personal blogland. I've had months where I didn't write a single post, or only one or two, then I've capped it off with a mind boggling best personal posting record here in December. In a skype chat with a friend a couple weeks ago she was pointing out how she can always tell when I have too much time on my hands. Those are the days when the posts become more frequent, even though there isn't a whole lot to say. At least it's good to know that people can benefit from the time I spend sitting around on my back side. I've actually done all sorts of writing this month. My book has more than doubled in size since we arrived here in the Czechlands, I've written a ton of blog posts, and the big 200 page journal that I brought along for the trip is more than half filled. I did bring an extra tiny journal along, as well as my Gadanke become journal and a journal for writing notes on thankfulness in, but I'm thinking I just might have to make an extra journal purchase as well, seeing as three and four are just specialty journals. Some might see this as overkill. And perhaps it is. Most of my journals are not meant for any sort of wider dispersion than for my and God's eyes only. My blog is read by a handful of friends and families (and the odd hits that I get from bizarre Russian URLS that make no sense to me whatsoever). I have no idea if the book I'm currently writing will end up being published, let alone a best seller (although I have a nephew who has already said he'll make the movie and a second who has asked to be the star character after hearing the briefest synopsis). I guess it all just goes to show that writing is something I do because it is a part of who I am. As much as I love comments, as much as being published is a huge dream, I don't write for that. I write because I love it. Well, I'm heading out to Cheb again today to hopefully meet up with some former students. Then tomorrow Tammy and I will go an see another former teacher who also married local. Should be an interesting couple of days, so I had to be sure to post a little something to get ahead of things. See I'm at 80 posts for the year with this one included, and my record for posts in a year is currently set at 82. Let's just see what I can do :)

Begendings...

It's hard to believe that the end of 2011 is already looking us in the face. Hard to believe that a year ago I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to plan my wedding. In some ways, so much has happened, and in other ways so little. I don't really know what I was expecting. I'm kind of bad about expectations. The thing is, I have them. I have ideas about how things should go. I make plans in my mind, generally not telling them to anyone else, and then find myself stupidly disappointed when they don't turn out the way I invisioned them. So another year seems to have snuck past me, and I'm left trying to figure out what I have accomplished, and what I need to figure out so I can do it better the next time around. There were definitely some big events in this year. Marriage being the primary one. Hard to even describe how all of that has come to pass. A few years ago I was all prepped to write the story of the loveless. I was so tired of reading about happy endings where people just magically find each other and things get tied up all nice and neatly. I wanted to let people know that there are those of us out there who strive and strive and strive, and still end up alone. But I'm not alone in that way anymore. Out of nowhere, love did find me. I still find myself in awe of the fact that I have a husband. It's not an easy thing to wrap my head around. Especially seeing as how, almsot a year later, we're still living with one set of parents or another. I managed to find a job, get promoted, and then quit set job. It's one of those patterns that doesn't make it easy to think about going out and finding another one. I've got a pretty lousy track record. I'm an excellent worker when you have me. I only take sick days when I am honestly and truly deathly ill. I work whenever I'm asked and I'm incredibly dependable. But then that transient nature of mine kicks in and I'm off again. It would be great if I could say I have a plan for how all of that is going to work out, but employment plans tend to be something I'm not so great with. (sigh) I am still working to finish up my writing challenge. I'm at about 83,000 words and 166 pages. I'd like to get to somewhere around 100,000. That's a nice even sort of goal. Of course, it doesn't look like I'll be finished by the first, but due to extenuating circumstances I've recieved a 6 day extension, so I'm hoping I can iron things out and call it a novel by then. I've been reading several blogs talking about goals and plans for the new year. Seems that resolutions are out, too easy to break and be done with, and goals are in. I'm not quite ready to spell out all my goals just yet, but it's given me some things to think about at least. I'm not expecting the world to come to an end in the next year, so hopefully I can manage to get my head on straight and come up with something worth while to apply myself to in the days that are to come.

The Challenge

Technically, I suppose you could say I'm putting things off. My blog is not some sort of money producing tool. Sure, every now and then I look at the "monetize" tab at the top of my display and wonder... At the moment I have a massive "10 followers," whatever that means. Not quite sure I'll amass a great and grand following even amongst family and friends. Do they know I have a blog? Yes. Do some of them check it at least fairly regularly? Sure. But that's about as far as it go. All the same I keep coming back, feeling some urge to write about this life of mine in a public format. Silly me. Perhaps it's because I know no one will ever be able to read my journals. I want some sort of proof that I existed in legible form. It's a thought.

But back to the challenge topic.

It's wonderful to have someone who believes in your dreams. This is especially true when you have trouble believing in them yourself. Naturally with the death of someone as memorably visible in most American if not international households as Steve Jobs, everyone is thinking about creative genius, and watching the you tube video of his speech to look for inspiration. If you haven't taken the time to sit down and listen, it really is worth it. His thoughts on living life to the fullest and being who you really are have a spine tingling effect.

I'm not expecting to wake up some morning and find myself suddenly in possession of a great financial fortune. I don't buy lottery tickets, and the likelihood of all those Publishers Clearinghouse ad things I file ever paying off...well, let's just say it's unlikely. But I do have dreams. I have dreams of writing something that people will read. I have dreams of using the gift I've been given to share with people in some way. However, except for the people who know me well, or those who randomly happen across my internet ramblings, I'll never achieve any of those goals if I don't just sit down and write something. And beyond that, if I remain afraid and never send my writing out, no one is going to just come to me and say, "Hey Sarah, I was thinking that maybe you'd like me to take all those stories from inside your head and make them into books that people can hold in their hands or read on their handheld devices." It. Just. Won't. Happen.

I suppose the easiest thing to do is to just have a dream. You can take it out and pet it every once in a while. You can blow on the dying embers in a moment of passionate thought, and be warmed by the very idea of your dreams. But they won't get you anywhere if you don't act on them.

I can be very like Alice. "I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it." Lewis Carroll, for all his undoubtedly drug tripping ways, really knew how to pack a punch, or speak directly to my problem. I'm loaded with thoughts and ideas. I have advice to hand out in bunches to anyone who asks. When it comes to my personal life goals and dreams, however, I get all tripped up and fumbly.

As I mentioned before, it's really good to have someone who believes in your dreams. My wonderful husband is just that person. He has done everything in his power to try to inspire me to write. He comes at it from different angles than I would, and there are times when i just don't know how to take his advice, but I know he gives it because he loves me and he wants to see me really live. He wants to see me achieve the dreams that he knows are in my heart.

So this past weekend when we were away for a couple of days he gave me a challenge. It was a serious challenge, and not one to be taken lightly. I even went so far as to shake on it, turning it into a promise. Breaking promises? Really NOT my thing. On October first he gave me 90 days to write a novel. NINETY DAYS. That's not a whole lot. Now, there will still be room for editing and revising and all that jazz, but on January first he wants me to have a completed manuscript. And if I follow through, he has promised to do everything he can to help me with the marketing aspects, which is an area I where I really struggle.

Challenge accepted, now to get down to it. For the past few days I've been mulling things over. I've always got a little back stash of story ideas floating around. He told me it couldn't be something I've already been working on. I have at least two novels that I've made a considerable amount of headway with, and could easily tie up over the next three months. But no, this has to be something all new.

I believe I've finally settled on the winner, and now I just have to get it done. I know it won't be easy. I know, especially with my new job challenges, that most days I'll feel like I have no time, and no drive to get it done. But there are to be no excuses on January first. The new year is going to start with something big.

Failure is something that scares me to the very core. I've always done everything in my power not to fail. Every new rejection eats away at me and makes me curl up in the fetal position. I don't know if I'll be able to whip out Pulitzer Prize material, or even something worthy of a Newberry Honor Medal, in 90 days. That's not the point. Writing is one of those things that is stitched into the very fabric of my being. Now I just have to prove to him and to myself that I really can put my actions where my mouth is.

Here's to the challenge!