Wednesday, December 28, 2011


It's hard to believe that the end of 2011 is already looking us in the face. Hard to believe that a year ago I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to plan my wedding. In some ways, so much has happened, and in other ways so little. I don't really know what I was expecting. I'm kind of bad about expectations. The thing is, I have them. I have ideas about how things should go. I make plans in my mind, generally not telling them to anyone else, and then find myself stupidly disappointed when they don't turn out the way I invisioned them. So another year seems to have snuck past me, and I'm left trying to figure out what I have accomplished, and what I need to figure out so I can do it better the next time around. There were definitely some big events in this year. Marriage being the primary one. Hard to even describe how all of that has come to pass. A few years ago I was all prepped to write the story of the loveless. I was so tired of reading about happy endings where people just magically find each other and things get tied up all nice and neatly. I wanted to let people know that there are those of us out there who strive and strive and strive, and still end up alone. But I'm not alone in that way anymore. Out of nowhere, love did find me. I still find myself in awe of the fact that I have a husband. It's not an easy thing to wrap my head around. Especially seeing as how, almsot a year later, we're still living with one set of parents or another. I managed to find a job, get promoted, and then quit set job. It's one of those patterns that doesn't make it easy to think about going out and finding another one. I've got a pretty lousy track record. I'm an excellent worker when you have me. I only take sick days when I am honestly and truly deathly ill. I work whenever I'm asked and I'm incredibly dependable. But then that transient nature of mine kicks in and I'm off again. It would be great if I could say I have a plan for how all of that is going to work out, but employment plans tend to be something I'm not so great with. (sigh) I am still working to finish up my writing challenge. I'm at about 83,000 words and 166 pages. I'd like to get to somewhere around 100,000. That's a nice even sort of goal. Of course, it doesn't look like I'll be finished by the first, but due to extenuating circumstances I've recieved a 6 day extension, so I'm hoping I can iron things out and call it a novel by then. I've been reading several blogs talking about goals and plans for the new year. Seems that resolutions are out, too easy to break and be done with, and goals are in. I'm not quite ready to spell out all my goals just yet, but it's given me some things to think about at least. I'm not expecting the world to come to an end in the next year, so hopefully I can manage to get my head on straight and come up with something worth while to apply myself to in the days that are to come.

No comments: