Just thought I'd state the obvious. Every now and then that's a good thing to say it like it is, right?
It's been a bit of a crazy few days. An early morning internet search, we're talking 4 AM, led to new discoveries about visas. That, naturally, spiraled rapidly into a first class freak out. It's been a while since I've felt so utterly devastated. Especially by my own stupidity. I felt as though I'd somehow failed everyone completely. The time scale I'd been counting on flew out the window, and new questions about whether we'd done things correctly or would have to start again at the beginning flooded my mind.
What a difference a few days can make. After countless freaked out messages with my mom, as well as a few e-mails to the US Embassy here in Prague, and a whole lot more time spent searching on the internet, I received news today that we have passed the first part of the process, and we are still okay. The information I was so afraid was late is actually something we aren't supposed to do for a little while yet. What a relief.
It's been interesting to look back at my entire freak out and see how little faith I really have. Throughout the process I have been praying that things would go well. I've been trying to do the right thing, and I've been trying to trust, but this moment showed me that I really hadn't been doing that as much as I'd wanted to believe.
In truth, I'm sure it was God who woke me up to the new set of facts, and it was me who overreacted. At least now that we know what is to be expected in the future we can prepare for it as much as possible now, and be ready when the time does come.
And now I can see how God really was working in each part so carefully, leading us into the right direction. How quick I was to think that my own humanity was enough to upset the plans of God. How quick to doubt that He was caring for me, more than I could even care for myself.
The process is not yet complete, and I'm still not certain how long it will all take, but with this newest information I know that the time is coming when all these things will be figured out and I can enter into the next stage of my life.
There are still so many uncertainties about heading back to the US. Obviously the job search is already in my mind, but not knowing exactly when I'll be heading back I must, once again, just learn to live more in the moment, and accept this time that God has given me to meditate more on life and my relationship with Him and with Mark.
It is so true that "Those that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength." If only I could hold that thought in mind more easily, as well as the truth that worrying will never add anything positive to my life, and only make every day that much more stressful.