On the edge of town, shrouded in trees, sits a two story white house. The porch is rickety, sagging with dejection, the wooden panels a dingy gray. The whole thing looks tired, lonely, and mysterious. It is impossible to pass without turning to take a look.
When we first saw the house, abandoned seemed the best description. Every night when we passed by, the porch light was on, as if protecting the neglected residence. It went on like is for several weeks, until one day, the light was out. Now, it might seem that compulsion to check on the place would slowly fade, especially as it faded into even darker obscurity, but this was not the case. Instead, quite the opposite took place. Each day in passing, we craned our necks to get a view, feeling ever the more curious.
Lafayette is a sleepy sort of antique town. The old two story school has been repurposed into a literal antique mall. It seems the primary goal of the tiny strip is to slow life down and recall another era. The past just seems so close. Perhaps this is why we felt so compelled to watch, to wonder, and to wait.
The light came back on. No longer on a timer, it was on all the time. It seems someone wanted to highlight the darkened dwelling in the wood. Looking up through the arch of the white front gate, it seemed that something had been altered. That night, when we drove past, the change was brought to light. The upper left hand window was illuminated. A bright glow emanated through the lacy window treatment.
Who could possibly have taken up residence in the ancient place? Had some grandmother been returns to her home to sit quietly in the evenings, reading with her heavy glasses perched on her nose? Had a family moved in, ready for a new beginning?
But here's where it gets interesting, the lights are only on at night. Some might think that sounds normal, but it is more than something so basic and simple. On a dark morning, not a glimmer to be seen, except the porch light, which still blazes at all hours. But come sunset, the upper light is there, and so it goes all night long. Curious? I say, indeed.
Showing posts with label Writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Writing. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Friday, March 1, 2013
Once a month...
When did I become that person? You know, the one you can never count on to update. The one you check over and over, only to discover there is still nothing new? Even as we seem to be about caught up on our store makeover, we keep discovering more and more ways to keep busy. I'm excited by the progress we have made, but I do miss being me sometimes.
The other day I wrote myself a self help/motivational speech. I feel like I still have to convince myself that I'm a business owner, and then make myself believe it and act like it at the same time. I just have to learn the art of salesmanship, because if people don't buy things that's the end of it. We're definitely receiving a lot of positive feedback on the new look and merchandise, so we're very hopeful that this year will be much better than the last, but it's always a gamble, and I've never been much of a gambler. I've always liked the sure thing, the one I could control. Thus, I was a good student, but that doesn't translate we'll into risk taking...
I think we've finally removed enough dirt and grime to have earned a Sunday not at the shop, but there is a gift show, so I guess there will still be work to do.
On a random note, I'm going to a Philomath High School Survivors party tomorrow night. I was in Pasadena training for my first year in Czech the summer of my (gulp) 10 year reunion, so I figured I should check out this little get together. Should be entertaining.
Well, I'm sure there is something business related I should probably be doing now, rather than reconnecting with the old me, so off I go again. Still hoping I'll attain self normalcy at some point, but not really counting on it as the journal I started last year is still not complete...
The other day I wrote myself a self help/motivational speech. I feel like I still have to convince myself that I'm a business owner, and then make myself believe it and act like it at the same time. I just have to learn the art of salesmanship, because if people don't buy things that's the end of it. We're definitely receiving a lot of positive feedback on the new look and merchandise, so we're very hopeful that this year will be much better than the last, but it's always a gamble, and I've never been much of a gambler. I've always liked the sure thing, the one I could control. Thus, I was a good student, but that doesn't translate we'll into risk taking...
I think we've finally removed enough dirt and grime to have earned a Sunday not at the shop, but there is a gift show, so I guess there will still be work to do.
On a random note, I'm going to a Philomath High School Survivors party tomorrow night. I was in Pasadena training for my first year in Czech the summer of my (gulp) 10 year reunion, so I figured I should check out this little get together. Should be entertaining.
Well, I'm sure there is something business related I should probably be doing now, rather than reconnecting with the old me, so off I go again. Still hoping I'll attain self normalcy at some point, but not really counting on it as the journal I started last year is still not complete...
Sunday, January 20, 2013
A New Year
So last year I wrote up a bunch of goals for 2012. I thought I might go back and reread them as it is January again, and then I realized just how depressing that would be. They were pretty good goals, as I recall. And I didn't do any of them. Naturally, there are plenty of reasons for that. We bought a store, which sorta changed everything. All the same, I can't help but be a little dissatisfied with my performance over all.
I'm not sure I really want to set a whole lot of visible goals for myself this year. We still own a store. It takes up at least 75% of my time. There is no way to work around that. However, I do want to do better with certain things this year. I want to remember that living is still the most important part of life. It is crucial to find a way to live well, even in the midst of working for success.
Being a business person is still not the core of my being. It won't ever be. But it is the life I have now, so it's time to make the most of it. We are currently in the midst of a massive makeover project on the shop. My sweet husband has been working tirelessly to find ways to dress the place up, and searching for new inventory to make it a place we can really enjoy spending time in, rather than being filled with left overs from the previous owners, and a style that clearly reflects that it was founded in the 80s. This breath of fresh air has the potential to invigorate us and our customers in this new year.
Besides seeking to be more driven in business, it is essential that I find more ways to connect with people. Sure, I spend all day chatting with customers, but it just isn't the same as spending quality time with people. Hopefully we will find more ways to engage with friends in the area, as well as maybe getting to know some new people. A girl's got to hope.
I did join up with the Portland Bloggers list, and I would really like to attend some of their meetings this year. It would be good to network with other people in Portland, as well as having a chance to keep my writing skills in focus.
So here's to hoping that this year will be more successful, social, and balanced than the last one. Happy 2013, all :)
I'm not sure I really want to set a whole lot of visible goals for myself this year. We still own a store. It takes up at least 75% of my time. There is no way to work around that. However, I do want to do better with certain things this year. I want to remember that living is still the most important part of life. It is crucial to find a way to live well, even in the midst of working for success.
Being a business person is still not the core of my being. It won't ever be. But it is the life I have now, so it's time to make the most of it. We are currently in the midst of a massive makeover project on the shop. My sweet husband has been working tirelessly to find ways to dress the place up, and searching for new inventory to make it a place we can really enjoy spending time in, rather than being filled with left overs from the previous owners, and a style that clearly reflects that it was founded in the 80s. This breath of fresh air has the potential to invigorate us and our customers in this new year.
Besides seeking to be more driven in business, it is essential that I find more ways to connect with people. Sure, I spend all day chatting with customers, but it just isn't the same as spending quality time with people. Hopefully we will find more ways to engage with friends in the area, as well as maybe getting to know some new people. A girl's got to hope.
I did join up with the Portland Bloggers list, and I would really like to attend some of their meetings this year. It would be good to network with other people in Portland, as well as having a chance to keep my writing skills in focus.
So here's to hoping that this year will be more successful, social, and balanced than the last one. Happy 2013, all :)
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Happy All Hallows Eve
It's Halloween. How did that happen all of a sudden. Weren't we just experiencing lovely summer weather a couple weeks ago? Now we're socked in with clouds that can't seem to stop dripping (although we really can't complain in comparison to the mess in the East! Blessings on those poor folks...)
For some reason I have a poem I wrote in college stuck in my head. Okay, the reason is pretty obvious, seeing as you it was all about Halloween. I was in this creative writing class, where most of the students seemed to think that their writing was so far beyond the understanding of mere mortals that any interpretation or critique was clearly nothing but foolishness.
No doubt, it was arrogance that provoked me to write a poem in a standard rhyming format, littered with innuendo regarding the world of masks we live in, and how only on this classically darkest of days can my real self be revealed. I wanted them to sweat through interpretations:
It's Halloween, Oh Halloween,
A night by ghouls and goblins seen,
Oh what a dream, a perfect dream,
To dance with death on Halloween.
It's getting dark, I see a spark,
I wonder, could it be a lark,
Or could it be, a breath so free,
That only darkness lets me see.
A mask comes out, a scream a shout,
Now freedom, true, can come about,
etc, etc.
I can't remember the whole thing verbatim, but you get the gist. Seems to me, my classmates weren't quite so savvy.
Anyhow, I'm dressed in black today, in silent witness to the bygone era of trick or treating in the past. I left my eyeliner stitch marks by the wayside this year, figuring they wouldn't fly so well for postal customers :) All the same, I'm full of memories of years gone by. Mark and I did get a little pumpkin to carve and stick outside our door, although it'll be after 7 by the time I'm home, so we're not likely to have any trick or treaters this time around, but at least a couple cuties have come through the shop today, so I'll enjoy it all I can.
For some reason I have a poem I wrote in college stuck in my head. Okay, the reason is pretty obvious, seeing as you it was all about Halloween. I was in this creative writing class, where most of the students seemed to think that their writing was so far beyond the understanding of mere mortals that any interpretation or critique was clearly nothing but foolishness.
No doubt, it was arrogance that provoked me to write a poem in a standard rhyming format, littered with innuendo regarding the world of masks we live in, and how only on this classically darkest of days can my real self be revealed. I wanted them to sweat through interpretations:
It's Halloween, Oh Halloween,
A night by ghouls and goblins seen,
Oh what a dream, a perfect dream,
To dance with death on Halloween.
It's getting dark, I see a spark,
I wonder, could it be a lark,
Or could it be, a breath so free,
That only darkness lets me see.
A mask comes out, a scream a shout,
Now freedom, true, can come about,
etc, etc.
I can't remember the whole thing verbatim, but you get the gist. Seems to me, my classmates weren't quite so savvy.
Anyhow, I'm dressed in black today, in silent witness to the bygone era of trick or treating in the past. I left my eyeliner stitch marks by the wayside this year, figuring they wouldn't fly so well for postal customers :) All the same, I'm full of memories of years gone by. Mark and I did get a little pumpkin to carve and stick outside our door, although it'll be after 7 by the time I'm home, so we're not likely to have any trick or treaters this time around, but at least a couple cuties have come through the shop today, so I'll enjoy it all I can.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Last Day of August
How did it come upon us so quickly. Seems like summer began a moment ago, and now it's moving along. I'm just hoping the lovely weather will stick around a wee bit longer.
I still have these great plans to write posts at home where I can add photos, but after being out of the house for 11 or so hours everyday, I tend to be pretty vegetative in the evenings, and weekends have this way of disappearing just about the time I get settled in enough to want to be productive. So there were several photo worthy summer events, as well as a few remaining Czech pictures that I want to post, but they'll have to remain delayed gratification issues for now.
I guess all I really have to say is that life remains in the works. There are so many plans and ideas swimming around that it's hard to catch my breath long enough to get any of them done. Suffice it to say, we seem to have survived the slow summer, and are hoping to see things pick up as vacationers return, and people suffering from the doldrums of the return to Oregon's prolonged rainy season seek us out for some retail therapy ;)
I still have these great plans to write posts at home where I can add photos, but after being out of the house for 11 or so hours everyday, I tend to be pretty vegetative in the evenings, and weekends have this way of disappearing just about the time I get settled in enough to want to be productive. So there were several photo worthy summer events, as well as a few remaining Czech pictures that I want to post, but they'll have to remain delayed gratification issues for now.
I guess all I really have to say is that life remains in the works. There are so many plans and ideas swimming around that it's hard to catch my breath long enough to get any of them done. Suffice it to say, we seem to have survived the slow summer, and are hoping to see things pick up as vacationers return, and people suffering from the doldrums of the return to Oregon's prolonged rainy season seek us out for some retail therapy ;)
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Days of Uncertainty...
I've been trying to answer the question of who I am lately, and coming up befuddled. I've always been... I hesitate to use the word "cheap," so let's say "economical." There really has never been any other option in my life. Now, however, I own this store, which is driven by people buying things. I NEED people to buy things. Not just things that are on sale, but preferably the full priced merchandise. The thing is, it goes against what I would do personally, so I feel conflicted in the process.
When a person looks around a while, then leaves without a purchase, I find myself questioning what went wrong. "We have so many lovely cards and fun gifts, why didn't they get anything?" I ask myself. But how many times have I done the very same thing, never once thinking about how the person behind the counter might be feeling.
On quiet Saturdays, like today, I find myself willing people in off the streets, hoping they'll be overtaken by a need for fudge or a truffle, envisioning their delight in pop up cards, colorful scarves, or the beautiful photos in the cookbooks we have on display. But if I was in their position, I'd likely look around a while, then convince myself not to spend.
In this era of crisis, I keep finding information on how to save more and go without new things. That's all fine and good, and I do it all the time, but how can I justify that attitude next door to the need to keep our store running? Baffling, no?
Then I think of writing, I see my sad, neglected blog, my dusty journals, and my still unpublished manuscripts. Can I claim to be a writer? Am I still justified in longing for someone to buy a card, while denying myself to even enter a shopping mall? So many things to ponder as I sit and watch a fly buzzing along the shop window without a care in the world...
When a person looks around a while, then leaves without a purchase, I find myself questioning what went wrong. "We have so many lovely cards and fun gifts, why didn't they get anything?" I ask myself. But how many times have I done the very same thing, never once thinking about how the person behind the counter might be feeling.
On quiet Saturdays, like today, I find myself willing people in off the streets, hoping they'll be overtaken by a need for fudge or a truffle, envisioning their delight in pop up cards, colorful scarves, or the beautiful photos in the cookbooks we have on display. But if I was in their position, I'd likely look around a while, then convince myself not to spend.
In this era of crisis, I keep finding information on how to save more and go without new things. That's all fine and good, and I do it all the time, but how can I justify that attitude next door to the need to keep our store running? Baffling, no?
Then I think of writing, I see my sad, neglected blog, my dusty journals, and my still unpublished manuscripts. Can I claim to be a writer? Am I still justified in longing for someone to buy a card, while denying myself to even enter a shopping mall? So many things to ponder as I sit and watch a fly buzzing along the shop window without a care in the world...
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Those Goals I Had
When I was a senior in high school my social studies teacher had us do the coolest thing. We wrote letters to ourselves five years in the future. I have no idea how seriously other people took this project, but being the weirdo I have always been, I didn't just write a note, I wrote pages and pages and pages to my future self. I had thoughts about who I would, or more importantly "should" be, and I minced no words. It bordered between being thoughtful and belligerent.
Five years later, as promised, the letter arrived. I was surprised by how judgmental I had been, disappointed by some of the goals I had not achieved, and amused at 18's naievety. There was so much I could not have known, no matter how well acquainted I believed myself to be with me.
At this point in time the writing and receiving of that letter are both distant history. In fact, last week I passed the 20th anniversary of the "epic" crash when my thirteen year old summer plans were dashed by a broken back. Life goes so quickly, and changes happen before I can even catch my breath and accept the fact that I'm not even in my twenties anymore.
Which all leads me to this post about the uncertainties of life, and the best laid plans. In January, when I was spending my days being caught up on journal writing, facebook updates, and spending hours a day writing my challenge book (which I still haven't nailed down a publishing plan for, grrr) it seemed that making a goal of reaching 100 posts this year conceivable. After all, I had never even heard of Holliday Gift Shoppe. Sure, I knew we were moving and would have to settle in and find jobs and all that sort of stuff, but I had NO clue of where life was about to take me. So now I find myself almost through June, with fewer than 30 posts, and it's clear that my bombardment of the Internet is not going so well. On the other hand, I'm a business owner now. Sounds pretty grown up, doesn't it?
I guess the question now is, what would 18 year old me think of the life I've ended up with? And what absurdities would I write to the me of the future, only to have that same future me shake her head at just how off my ideas were...
Five years later, as promised, the letter arrived. I was surprised by how judgmental I had been, disappointed by some of the goals I had not achieved, and amused at 18's naievety. There was so much I could not have known, no matter how well acquainted I believed myself to be with me.
At this point in time the writing and receiving of that letter are both distant history. In fact, last week I passed the 20th anniversary of the "epic" crash when my thirteen year old summer plans were dashed by a broken back. Life goes so quickly, and changes happen before I can even catch my breath and accept the fact that I'm not even in my twenties anymore.
Which all leads me to this post about the uncertainties of life, and the best laid plans. In January, when I was spending my days being caught up on journal writing, facebook updates, and spending hours a day writing my challenge book (which I still haven't nailed down a publishing plan for, grrr) it seemed that making a goal of reaching 100 posts this year conceivable. After all, I had never even heard of Holliday Gift Shoppe. Sure, I knew we were moving and would have to settle in and find jobs and all that sort of stuff, but I had NO clue of where life was about to take me. So now I find myself almost through June, with fewer than 30 posts, and it's clear that my bombardment of the Internet is not going so well. On the other hand, I'm a business owner now. Sounds pretty grown up, doesn't it?
I guess the question now is, what would 18 year old me think of the life I've ended up with? And what absurdities would I write to the me of the future, only to have that same future me shake her head at just how off my ideas were...
Monday, June 4, 2012
Living the Life Self-Employed
I think there is something misleading about being Self-Employed. It makes it sound as though a person is somehow in control of their destiny. It implies a certain amount of freedom and self-possession. What it really means is that suddenly EVERYTHING is upon you. The "really" fun part is having no clue what "everything" entails.
Maybe it has something to do with laziness, but I've always rather enjoyed letting someone else worry about the details. Just tell me what to do, and chances are, I can manage to do it. But leave it up to me to figure everything out, and it's almost guaranteed to be a mistake.
Sure, I can manage to travel around the world on my own. I can manage my own money, and make sure the most important details are taken care of, but this is a little beyond that. I'm not trying to complain. I'm just trying to figure out what all the hoopla is about being a self-employed business owner. Rather than feeling like I have discovered financial freedom, I've managed to reinstate a frenzied level of stress and worry that has my back tied in ridiculous knots. Sadly, I'm a long way from a Chinese or Balinese spa treatment. (sigh)
On a positive note, good things are happening all around me. Over Memorial Day weekend I was blessed to go to my friend Savana's wedding down in Seiad Valley, CA. It was amazing to be able to drive my husband down the Klamath River and introduce him to the world and some of the people from my childhood.
Then, on June first, my sister Julie had her third child. It'll be a couple months before I have the chance to give little Myrtle Lark Hopper a proper cuddling, but it's a blessing to know there's a fresh baby out there just waiting to meet her Auntie Sarah.
On Friday, my nephew Tyler rocked it on the baseball field. Not only did he score a run, he also caught three hits to right field, sending the batters straight out and helping his team take home the Oregon State Championship at the 3A level! It was so fun to be there to cheer him on, just like we cheered his little brother Jack on when his 9 and 10s little league team won state last summer.
I keep telling myself I'll post at home one of these days so I can add photos, but it keeps not happening. (sigh) At least I managed to get another round of editing done on my challenge book. Now I have to will myself to figure out how to get it out in the hands of hopefully eager readers to help boost that self-employed summer income...
Maybe it has something to do with laziness, but I've always rather enjoyed letting someone else worry about the details. Just tell me what to do, and chances are, I can manage to do it. But leave it up to me to figure everything out, and it's almost guaranteed to be a mistake.
Sure, I can manage to travel around the world on my own. I can manage my own money, and make sure the most important details are taken care of, but this is a little beyond that. I'm not trying to complain. I'm just trying to figure out what all the hoopla is about being a self-employed business owner. Rather than feeling like I have discovered financial freedom, I've managed to reinstate a frenzied level of stress and worry that has my back tied in ridiculous knots. Sadly, I'm a long way from a Chinese or Balinese spa treatment. (sigh)
On a positive note, good things are happening all around me. Over Memorial Day weekend I was blessed to go to my friend Savana's wedding down in Seiad Valley, CA. It was amazing to be able to drive my husband down the Klamath River and introduce him to the world and some of the people from my childhood.
Then, on June first, my sister Julie had her third child. It'll be a couple months before I have the chance to give little Myrtle Lark Hopper a proper cuddling, but it's a blessing to know there's a fresh baby out there just waiting to meet her Auntie Sarah.
On Friday, my nephew Tyler rocked it on the baseball field. Not only did he score a run, he also caught three hits to right field, sending the batters straight out and helping his team take home the Oregon State Championship at the 3A level! It was so fun to be there to cheer him on, just like we cheered his little brother Jack on when his 9 and 10s little league team won state last summer.
I keep telling myself I'll post at home one of these days so I can add photos, but it keeps not happening. (sigh) At least I managed to get another round of editing done on my challenge book. Now I have to will myself to figure out how to get it out in the hands of hopefully eager readers to help boost that self-employed summer income...
Monday, April 30, 2012
Poetry in the Post Office
I don't have a lot of time to write these days. Quite frankly, I don't have a whole lot of time for anything. The past three weeks I've been working 6 days a week. With the hour long commute in each direction that means I get home in the evening ready to do nothing in particular. With the introduction of TV and internet back into our house as of Friday, that means I'm one again thankful to erase any thoughts in design heaven, or smother them with images of fanciful food. Perhaps the fact that my house looks more like we're about to move out than in, and the kitchen has yet to be cooked in (except when my parents visited and did the cooking for us a bit ago) makes this guilty pleasure even more pathetic, but also necessary.
So I can't say that I feel like much of a writer at the moment. My novel is still in the hands of reviewers, and I haven't even had the energy to check in with any of them. I'm still getting regular e-mails from self pub outfits, and I'm just stockpiling them in my inbox along with all the ads for high priced gadgets, fabulous home decor (which would no doubt clash with the brown flowered couches that are older than me but still look essentially new), sweet scented soaps, and photo developing services. I keep saying that once I get into a flow I'll have time to start up Czech lessons, get more writing done, start journaling again, and connect with human beings outside of my work environment. But figuring out when normalcy is going to hit, or when I'm going to resign myself to the fact that work and TV are about all I have time for anymore if I want to maintain my sanity, I don't know. Every now and again I ponder those new year's revolutionary ideas, and then I start thinking about finances again and everything else disappears. I certainly did not see this future as we stood in the snow in Marianske Lazne watching Karel's fireworks sparkle dazzlingly in the sky.
In the end, all I can really say is, we have twentieth century poet stamps for sale in the post office, and that makes my little English major heart swell with joy. Sylvia Plath on a stamp. Is there any other word for that than "magical?" I think not.
So I can't say that I feel like much of a writer at the moment. My novel is still in the hands of reviewers, and I haven't even had the energy to check in with any of them. I'm still getting regular e-mails from self pub outfits, and I'm just stockpiling them in my inbox along with all the ads for high priced gadgets, fabulous home decor (which would no doubt clash with the brown flowered couches that are older than me but still look essentially new), sweet scented soaps, and photo developing services. I keep saying that once I get into a flow I'll have time to start up Czech lessons, get more writing done, start journaling again, and connect with human beings outside of my work environment. But figuring out when normalcy is going to hit, or when I'm going to resign myself to the fact that work and TV are about all I have time for anymore if I want to maintain my sanity, I don't know. Every now and again I ponder those new year's revolutionary ideas, and then I start thinking about finances again and everything else disappears. I certainly did not see this future as we stood in the snow in Marianske Lazne watching Karel's fireworks sparkle dazzlingly in the sky.
In the end, all I can really say is, we have twentieth century poet stamps for sale in the post office, and that makes my little English major heart swell with joy. Sylvia Plath on a stamp. Is there any other word for that than "magical?" I think not.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Who Saw This Coming?
I'm still at work, and therefore not on a machine I can upload pictures to, so this will sadly be another blank piece. We have ordered internet for home, and should rejoin the connected world on Friday. Hopefully, when we get the internet revamped here at work, I'll be able to use my iPad here during those summer down months everyone keeps telling us we're going to have...
Anyhow, as odd as it all appears, owning a card shop and post office was meant to be. When I was 9 I started my card selling career in order to raise money for Christmas gifts. Every Autumn my Dad and I would brave the blustery drives along the Klamath and Scott River roads, sending the little fog ghosties scurrying away as we offered the local residents the ability to shop from home. Dad saw it as a great opportunity to visit with people he wouldn't necessarily have an excuse to see, while I spent the evenings wishing he wasn't quite so chatty so I could make more sales.
This tradition continued all the way through High School, and went hand in hand with my insatiable letter writing phase. I began my pen pal lettter writing career around the same time, with friends from camp and school exchanges, as well as college aged siblings. After moving from Horse Creek, CA to Blodgett, OR, my letter writing skyrocketed as I would send in excess of ten letters a week back to my friends on the river. Postage was a wee bit cheaper back then, and the internet had scarcely been invented, so my parents thought it was a pretty good deal.
Due to my writing and mailing fixations, when I took a business class in high school (the only way I could learn more about computers and keep my typing skills functioning) we did a city simulation in which I ran the post office. Eerie, isn't it?
Perhaps the funniest part of all is that I didn't even think about any of these things when Mark first brought up the advertisement for a card/gift shop, and post office business for sale. It wasn't until we had made it through the harrowing negotiating process, and managed to land the lease, the business and the postal contract that I realized just how much I had been training for this opportunity. God really does work in mysterious ways :)
I still can't say I've become business minded, or that the prospect of figuring out how to do taxes next fills me with glee, but the actual job is far more interesting than I ever thought it would be. We're working in a great neighborhood in Southwest Portland, meeting lots of lovely people, and falling in love with cards all over again.
I haven't forgotten about my writing. When I think about the goals I set for myself at the beginning of the year I cringe a bit in the face of all the new responsibilities I have taken on, but the desire to still have a personal life remains. Guess I'll just have to wait and see how it all plays out, but at least I'm writing again, bit by bit...
Anyhow, as odd as it all appears, owning a card shop and post office was meant to be. When I was 9 I started my card selling career in order to raise money for Christmas gifts. Every Autumn my Dad and I would brave the blustery drives along the Klamath and Scott River roads, sending the little fog ghosties scurrying away as we offered the local residents the ability to shop from home. Dad saw it as a great opportunity to visit with people he wouldn't necessarily have an excuse to see, while I spent the evenings wishing he wasn't quite so chatty so I could make more sales.
This tradition continued all the way through High School, and went hand in hand with my insatiable letter writing phase. I began my pen pal lettter writing career around the same time, with friends from camp and school exchanges, as well as college aged siblings. After moving from Horse Creek, CA to Blodgett, OR, my letter writing skyrocketed as I would send in excess of ten letters a week back to my friends on the river. Postage was a wee bit cheaper back then, and the internet had scarcely been invented, so my parents thought it was a pretty good deal.
Due to my writing and mailing fixations, when I took a business class in high school (the only way I could learn more about computers and keep my typing skills functioning) we did a city simulation in which I ran the post office. Eerie, isn't it?
Perhaps the funniest part of all is that I didn't even think about any of these things when Mark first brought up the advertisement for a card/gift shop, and post office business for sale. It wasn't until we had made it through the harrowing negotiating process, and managed to land the lease, the business and the postal contract that I realized just how much I had been training for this opportunity. God really does work in mysterious ways :)
I still can't say I've become business minded, or that the prospect of figuring out how to do taxes next fills me with glee, but the actual job is far more interesting than I ever thought it would be. We're working in a great neighborhood in Southwest Portland, meeting lots of lovely people, and falling in love with cards all over again.
I haven't forgotten about my writing. When I think about the goals I set for myself at the beginning of the year I cringe a bit in the face of all the new responsibilities I have taken on, but the desire to still have a personal life remains. Guess I'll just have to wait and see how it all plays out, but at least I'm writing again, bit by bit...
Thursday, February 23, 2012
If I Wrote A Guide Book
If I:
wrote a guide book it would be different than what you typically see. There are countless books highlighting the biggest cities and the most international locations. I love going to these places and experiencing that fast paced life, but there is always something unreal about it. It is even easy to live in such a place and never get a feel for what the culture and real life of the people is like.
So if I wrote a guide book I would focus on the gems that the common tourist misses. If my guide book was about the Czech Republic I would be certain to highlight the magical city of Marianske Lazne. My goal would be aimed at opening up people to the idea of really digging in and finding the hidden beauty in a country. So here are a few pages that I would definitely have to put into my guide book.
Walking through parks is definitely worth the time. You can watch the train pass, enjoy the sunlight through the trees, maybe even see a random old guy walking around carrying a tree, then climb a viewing tower. Of course, once you climb that tower you'll discover that it was built in an older era when the trees were not nearly so tall. At this point there's not a whole lot to view, so people use this place for other activities.
At least that is what we discovered on our walk through the slushy late February snow.
Then I would focus on looking at the famous sights from different angles, focusing on the details.
I'd take a different look during a different season, then get up close and personal with the details.
I would look for little bits of art that tell a story. The first is clearly on a quest. The second is a pair that demonstrates a common practice in art. Note how the woman is exposed while the man is concealed. Interesting, no?
If I wrote a guide book I would want to really live in the place first. I would want to be able to understand the world I was sharing, so the people reading my book would feel like they could experience the heartbeat of the city. It would also be great to point out cultural things like this. A dumpling shop:
I might not ever write a guide book. I do, however, have a story idea based on the life lead by a transient drifter. I hope, one day, to write in such a way that I can bring the travelers soul to the life of a tourist, enhancing their experiences as they walk wide eyed with wonder through this scarred but beautiful world.
wrote a guide book it would be different than what you typically see. There are countless books highlighting the biggest cities and the most international locations. I love going to these places and experiencing that fast paced life, but there is always something unreal about it. It is even easy to live in such a place and never get a feel for what the culture and real life of the people is like.
So if I wrote a guide book I would focus on the gems that the common tourist misses. If my guide book was about the Czech Republic I would be certain to highlight the magical city of Marianske Lazne. My goal would be aimed at opening up people to the idea of really digging in and finding the hidden beauty in a country. So here are a few pages that I would definitely have to put into my guide book.
Walking through parks is definitely worth the time. You can watch the train pass, enjoy the sunlight through the trees, maybe even see a random old guy walking around carrying a tree, then climb a viewing tower. Of course, once you climb that tower you'll discover that it was built in an older era when the trees were not nearly so tall. At this point there's not a whole lot to view, so people use this place for other activities.
At least that is what we discovered on our walk through the slushy late February snow.
Then I would focus on looking at the famous sights from different angles, focusing on the details.
I'd take a different look during a different season, then get up close and personal with the details.
I would look for little bits of art that tell a story. The first is clearly on a quest. The second is a pair that demonstrates a common practice in art. Note how the woman is exposed while the man is concealed. Interesting, no?
If I wrote a guide book I would want to really live in the place first. I would want to be able to understand the world I was sharing, so the people reading my book would feel like they could experience the heartbeat of the city. It would also be great to point out cultural things like this. A dumpling shop:
I might not ever write a guide book. I do, however, have a story idea based on the life lead by a transient drifter. I hope, one day, to write in such a way that I can bring the travelers soul to the life of a tourist, enhancing their experiences as they walk wide eyed with wonder through this scarred but beautiful world.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
From Mixed Up To Utterly Confused...
I'm not even going to try to fix my last post. This might seem silly, but I get frustrated when it looks like there is some inconsistency, so I'm going to explain it all here, and then you can read the next post and hopefully it will make sense.
1) I wrote a blog post called "All Time Is Unredeemable"
2) The label section got messed up so I went to fix it
3) The labels were fixed, but, althouth the blog had already posted properly once, the text disappeared.
4) I got irritated.
5) I rewrote the post with the same title, but different text. I left a question hanging at the end about how we'll never know whether it was better or worse than the first post unless time does decide to exist all together in a physical way as well as in an incoherent possible way.
6) I published the new post.
7) I went back to delete the old post, only to discover that the text had somehow returned.
8) I reposted the original post, and added to the second post a little note about how they are both there to compare now.
9) I looked at the original post and realized that it was now identical to the new post. So the first content really was gone, and for some reason completely unfathomable to me, it had doubled itself into both posts.
10) I went back to delete the redundant original post, and found it to be empty.
11) I got worried that if this post was empty, trying to reedit the second post might drive it into oblivion as well.
12) I decided to write this post to explain all the weirdness in the post that has been saved.
13) So after all the time I spent looking for a cool title by T.S. Eliot to add to my list, I changed it and am too afraid to swap it back because then that blog might disappear as well.
Hopefully this sorts out whatever confusion might take place when reading the next note. Ugh.
1) I wrote a blog post called "All Time Is Unredeemable"
2) The label section got messed up so I went to fix it
3) The labels were fixed, but, althouth the blog had already posted properly once, the text disappeared.
4) I got irritated.
5) I rewrote the post with the same title, but different text. I left a question hanging at the end about how we'll never know whether it was better or worse than the first post unless time does decide to exist all together in a physical way as well as in an incoherent possible way.
6) I published the new post.
7) I went back to delete the old post, only to discover that the text had somehow returned.
8) I reposted the original post, and added to the second post a little note about how they are both there to compare now.
9) I looked at the original post and realized that it was now identical to the new post. So the first content really was gone, and for some reason completely unfathomable to me, it had doubled itself into both posts.
10) I went back to delete the redundant original post, and found it to be empty.
11) I got worried that if this post was empty, trying to reedit the second post might drive it into oblivion as well.
12) I decided to write this post to explain all the weirdness in the post that has been saved.
13) So after all the time I spent looking for a cool title by T.S. Eliot to add to my list, I changed it and am too afraid to swap it back because then that blog might disappear as well.
Hopefully this sorts out whatever confusion might take place when reading the next note. Ugh.
Or is it possible after all...
Before I get into this post, I must quickly vent. I just wrote this post. I published this post. I pulled it all together and it was decent enough. Then I noticed that the "labels" section had gone all wonky. Suddenly it said it was about the fair and English Grammar, although I know for a fact that nothing like that was mentioned in the post. So I went to delete those two little errors and republish it, only somehow the text disappeared. Very very odd indeed.
Anyhow, perhaps if the quote exists then it still exists. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I can't claim credit for the title. It is from a poem by T.S.Eliot called "The Four Quartets. This bit can be found at the beginning of the first Quartet in "Burnt Norton."
It goes along with my thoughts in the moment of how time is just evaporating before my very eyes. Three months sounds like an awfully long time to be out of the country, but the truth is, it's nothing but a breath, held in and then exhaled slowly. It goes so quickly, and there is no way to press pause. The idea that time exists all at once, that it is, in fact, a fourth dimension that we have yet to master and understand, is a fascinating one. I read "The Time Machine," by H.G.Wells last month, and he posed some interesting theories not just about time travel but about the destination of humanity and all of life. Interesting. Not very useful to me at the moment, however.
In about two weeks we'll be back in the US. It's hard to believe, and comes with a mixed bag of emotions. It's been good to be with family here, and to visit with old friends. For my husband, it has been life giving in so many ways. Naturally, it is hard to leave this place, especially when we are uncertain when we'll be able to come back. At the same time, it's exciting to think about where life is taking us. We will be starting fresh. We will be able to really unpack and settle in. I can't begin to express how exciting that is. It has been over two years since I've lived a life without my clothes in sacks or suitcases, and even longer since I've had a place that felt like a home I could call my own. I can't deny, that desire to "nest," to put pictures on the walls, to create a design and spread out, is HUGE! I'm also ready to reach out and be a part of a community again. In some senses, I haven't really experienced that since Hong Kong, which is now almost 7 years in the past.
But the return also comes with plenty of nervousness. Neither one of us has jobs, or any prospects of jobs. We're starting at the beginning. Again. While this always provides a million options, it doesn't always mean success. There is plenty of worry seeking to sabotage my brains ability to properly function. I have an overabundance of plans, from a book I'd like to publish, to craft projects, and an odd desire to learn how to sew so I can keep up with all those other ladies who know how to be grown ups out there. Let's not even talk about my paranoia about up coming kitchen tasks. It's one of those things I know I'm just going to have to deal with, but I dread it the way a lot of people dread going to the dentist.
I find myself, for about the millionth time, on the crux of life change. There is so much to look forward to and woner about and even to fear. I want to do things right, but have no idea how to go about most of the things I'm about to step into. It's exciting and terrifying at the same time.
The question now is: was this post better than the post that drifted away into infinity? Apparently you can see for yourself, for after appearing vacant several times, including in my life feed, the post miraculously has now reappeared. And so it exists in both versions. I'm just going to leave it this way, because I find it interesting to see how my thoughts progressed. If you are afraid it will be to redundant to read twice, no matter.
Anyhow, perhaps if the quote exists then it still exists. But I'm getting ahead of myself. I can't claim credit for the title. It is from a poem by T.S.Eliot called "The Four Quartets. This bit can be found at the beginning of the first Quartet in "Burnt Norton."
Time present and time past- T.S.Eliot
Are both perhaps present in time future
And time future contained in time past.
If all time is eternally present
All time is unredeemable.
It goes along with my thoughts in the moment of how time is just evaporating before my very eyes. Three months sounds like an awfully long time to be out of the country, but the truth is, it's nothing but a breath, held in and then exhaled slowly. It goes so quickly, and there is no way to press pause. The idea that time exists all at once, that it is, in fact, a fourth dimension that we have yet to master and understand, is a fascinating one. I read "The Time Machine," by H.G.Wells last month, and he posed some interesting theories not just about time travel but about the destination of humanity and all of life. Interesting. Not very useful to me at the moment, however.
In about two weeks we'll be back in the US. It's hard to believe, and comes with a mixed bag of emotions. It's been good to be with family here, and to visit with old friends. For my husband, it has been life giving in so many ways. Naturally, it is hard to leave this place, especially when we are uncertain when we'll be able to come back. At the same time, it's exciting to think about where life is taking us. We will be starting fresh. We will be able to really unpack and settle in. I can't begin to express how exciting that is. It has been over two years since I've lived a life without my clothes in sacks or suitcases, and even longer since I've had a place that felt like a home I could call my own. I can't deny, that desire to "nest," to put pictures on the walls, to create a design and spread out, is HUGE! I'm also ready to reach out and be a part of a community again. In some senses, I haven't really experienced that since Hong Kong, which is now almost 7 years in the past.
But the return also comes with plenty of nervousness. Neither one of us has jobs, or any prospects of jobs. We're starting at the beginning. Again. While this always provides a million options, it doesn't always mean success. There is plenty of worry seeking to sabotage my brains ability to properly function. I have an overabundance of plans, from a book I'd like to publish, to craft projects, and an odd desire to learn how to sew so I can keep up with all those other ladies who know how to be grown ups out there. Let's not even talk about my paranoia about up coming kitchen tasks. It's one of those things I know I'm just going to have to deal with, but I dread it the way a lot of people dread going to the dentist.
I find myself, for about the millionth time, on the crux of life change. There is so much to look forward to and woner about and even to fear. I want to do things right, but have no idea how to go about most of the things I'm about to step into. It's exciting and terrifying at the same time.
The question now is: was this post better than the post that drifted away into infinity? Apparently you can see for yourself, for after appearing vacant several times, including in my life feed, the post miraculously has now reappeared. And so it exists in both versions. I'm just going to leave it this way, because I find it interesting to see how my thoughts progressed. If you are afraid it will be to redundant to read twice, no matter.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Creating a Self-Brand
Yesterday was all tied up in research. I was considering about four different self-publishing sites, and reading over thrilling articles about marketing and the like. I've never been good at selling myself. Perhaps it has something to do with my rather pessimistic low-selfesteem outlook on my own life. Sure, I've been all over the world, but the best job I can manage to get is in retail. I can write a letter nicely promoting a friend or family member, but ask me to write a resume and I cringe internally.
The thought of having to go out and drum up support for my own writing is daunting. I've been writing since I first learned how to form letters. Stories have always been in my blood. I've lived life all over the place and gained insights and experiences in different cultures both locally and internationally to shape my character and my writing abilities. I don't have a list of published titles to my name...yet.
But once I do get things written, I have to figure out how to get them out there to the public and get them to actually pick them up and read them. Something that I keep coming across in this research is the idea of "branding." No, not submitting yourself to some rancher and asking them to set your flesh a-sizzling, but creating some sort of symbol that people will identify you with.
As I looked at some of these things, I realized that my writing doesn't typically stick to one trend. I just wrote a fantasy style/ potentially YA novel about dragons. But my writing goes in so many other directions as well. I don't want to base some future website solely on dragons. It wouldn't be true to the other writing styles that are encapsulated in my collection.
There was talk about how your brand is basically yourself. Who you are influences the way your work is identified. Some people might come up with an alter ego identity for a brand style, but then have trouble living up to what they have created. For example, if a mousy wall flower type finds self fufillment in writing books about the flashy life of Hollywood stars, and portrays herself in that light to her fans, then is afraid to ever actually go out in public and live the life she has created for herself, it could pose a serious problem.
As I have thought about my writing, and about my life in general, I realize I have already created two very separate brands. On the one side, I have my darker writing. The fantasy books would come under this category, even if they aren't quite as dark as, say "Daughters of the Pond." These go along with the side of me that enjoys wandering through cemeteries, and remembers the good old days when I liked to wear a lot of black and had shocking blue hair. It's all still a part of me, even if it varies a bit from the more daily aspects of my life.
Then there is the Transient Drifter side. This is the part of my lifestyle dedicated to travel and self development. It would cover more personal, thoughtful writings, as well as my ideas for future travel style novels. Also, very much a part of who I am.
I guess there is something to be said about being pure and singleminded, but I'm just not that type. I'm all over the place. Both literally as well as figuratively. So I'm not going to box myself into one distinct style or brand. Who says I can't have more than one, and still be equally true to myself, my nature, and my writing?
All part of the process...
The thought of having to go out and drum up support for my own writing is daunting. I've been writing since I first learned how to form letters. Stories have always been in my blood. I've lived life all over the place and gained insights and experiences in different cultures both locally and internationally to shape my character and my writing abilities. I don't have a list of published titles to my name...yet.
But once I do get things written, I have to figure out how to get them out there to the public and get them to actually pick them up and read them. Something that I keep coming across in this research is the idea of "branding." No, not submitting yourself to some rancher and asking them to set your flesh a-sizzling, but creating some sort of symbol that people will identify you with.
As I looked at some of these things, I realized that my writing doesn't typically stick to one trend. I just wrote a fantasy style/ potentially YA novel about dragons. But my writing goes in so many other directions as well. I don't want to base some future website solely on dragons. It wouldn't be true to the other writing styles that are encapsulated in my collection.
There was talk about how your brand is basically yourself. Who you are influences the way your work is identified. Some people might come up with an alter ego identity for a brand style, but then have trouble living up to what they have created. For example, if a mousy wall flower type finds self fufillment in writing books about the flashy life of Hollywood stars, and portrays herself in that light to her fans, then is afraid to ever actually go out in public and live the life she has created for herself, it could pose a serious problem.
As I have thought about my writing, and about my life in general, I realize I have already created two very separate brands. On the one side, I have my darker writing. The fantasy books would come under this category, even if they aren't quite as dark as, say "Daughters of the Pond." These go along with the side of me that enjoys wandering through cemeteries, and remembers the good old days when I liked to wear a lot of black and had shocking blue hair. It's all still a part of me, even if it varies a bit from the more daily aspects of my life.
Then there is the Transient Drifter side. This is the part of my lifestyle dedicated to travel and self development. It would cover more personal, thoughtful writings, as well as my ideas for future travel style novels. Also, very much a part of who I am.
I guess there is something to be said about being pure and singleminded, but I'm just not that type. I'm all over the place. Both literally as well as figuratively. So I'm not going to box myself into one distinct style or brand. Who says I can't have more than one, and still be equally true to myself, my nature, and my writing?
All part of the process...
Monday, February 6, 2012
Publishing 101
Well, I had planned a nice blog with pictures, talking about the family trips over the weekend, but the computer that contains said photos, has decided it doesn't want to connect with the internet. In this era of technology, it would be so nice if all forms decided to work equally. Instead, they seem content to each have their own peculiarities and refusals. Therefore, I am picture free at the moment, and words will have to suffice.
The topic heaviest on my mind at the moment, is clearly publication. I'm trying to do my research and decide which option is the best, but it's a tricky sort of thing. This is largely due to the fact that:
1) I love "real" books that you can hold in your hands and feel and smell. Sure, it's nice to have the ease of carrying all your books in one place, and being able to still highlight, underline, leave notes, etc. it just isn't the same as having a paper copy.
2) I like having my hand held. It's nice having someone to take care of things. I would love to put my book/books out there, and know that they are in capable hands that understand the system and will see to it that it/they are run through all the proper circles. I realize this is a fairy tale approach, and until you actually achieve success the publishing companies don't go out of their way to take care of you even if they do agree to put your words in print, but things like taxes self promotion and paying taxes always scare me.
3) There is still a part of me that says self-publishing is a cop out. Anyone can self publish. And I have read the results of that truth. They aren't pretty. There is a stigma there, and it's hard for me to get around it.
So, while it seems that the fastest, most efficient, and most likely way to turn a profit is to self-publish, I'm still sitting here and twidling my thumbs. I've found numerous sites that can make this sort of publication a reality quickly. The one my husby set before me today has some initial fees, but the writer recieves 100% returns. That sounds pretty good to me, and the fees are not unreasonable. They provide the option of buying a print set as well, and have various helpful tools available at a decent price. Other sites allow you to do all the publishing elements for free (naturally providing extra services for sale) but they take a small cut of the returns.
I'm also torn on the topic of self-promotion. My blog, which I do adore, has a fairly microscopic readership. According to the "official following," I can only claim ten, and when I check where my stats come from, they're connected to sites that look pretty bogus if you ask me. So how do I take what little I have, and turn it into a fan club that will actually buy my books and bring me a profit? The topic of "twitter" has come up as well. I'm still having trouble figuring out the exact point of "tweeting." And again, how do you get people to read what you have to say if they don't know you? That's the big mystery. While all the people who follow me on Instagram think my photos are lovely, they're all people I know. I use facebook as a place to keep up with family and friends. I haven't the foggiest idea how to turn it into an actual social network that allows for business opportunities. Clearly, marketing has never been my strong point. That's part of the reason I finished my university education and got a job working in a lumber mill. Yup, I've got lots of life experiences, but how do I get people to care?
Oh the dilemmas. If anyone out there has thoughts, input, advice, a willingness to open up some dialogue, I would be more than grateful for comments and things to consider. Thanks.
The topic heaviest on my mind at the moment, is clearly publication. I'm trying to do my research and decide which option is the best, but it's a tricky sort of thing. This is largely due to the fact that:
1) I love "real" books that you can hold in your hands and feel and smell. Sure, it's nice to have the ease of carrying all your books in one place, and being able to still highlight, underline, leave notes, etc. it just isn't the same as having a paper copy.
2) I like having my hand held. It's nice having someone to take care of things. I would love to put my book/books out there, and know that they are in capable hands that understand the system and will see to it that it/they are run through all the proper circles. I realize this is a fairy tale approach, and until you actually achieve success the publishing companies don't go out of their way to take care of you even if they do agree to put your words in print, but things like taxes self promotion and paying taxes always scare me.
3) There is still a part of me that says self-publishing is a cop out. Anyone can self publish. And I have read the results of that truth. They aren't pretty. There is a stigma there, and it's hard for me to get around it.
So, while it seems that the fastest, most efficient, and most likely way to turn a profit is to self-publish, I'm still sitting here and twidling my thumbs. I've found numerous sites that can make this sort of publication a reality quickly. The one my husby set before me today has some initial fees, but the writer recieves 100% returns. That sounds pretty good to me, and the fees are not unreasonable. They provide the option of buying a print set as well, and have various helpful tools available at a decent price. Other sites allow you to do all the publishing elements for free (naturally providing extra services for sale) but they take a small cut of the returns.
I'm also torn on the topic of self-promotion. My blog, which I do adore, has a fairly microscopic readership. According to the "official following," I can only claim ten, and when I check where my stats come from, they're connected to sites that look pretty bogus if you ask me. So how do I take what little I have, and turn it into a fan club that will actually buy my books and bring me a profit? The topic of "twitter" has come up as well. I'm still having trouble figuring out the exact point of "tweeting." And again, how do you get people to read what you have to say if they don't know you? That's the big mystery. While all the people who follow me on Instagram think my photos are lovely, they're all people I know. I use facebook as a place to keep up with family and friends. I haven't the foggiest idea how to turn it into an actual social network that allows for business opportunities. Clearly, marketing has never been my strong point. That's part of the reason I finished my university education and got a job working in a lumber mill. Yup, I've got lots of life experiences, but how do I get people to care?
Oh the dilemmas. If anyone out there has thoughts, input, advice, a willingness to open up some dialogue, I would be more than grateful for comments and things to consider. Thanks.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Happy Groundhog's Day?
If there is any reality behind the "theory of Groundhog's Day," I can only hope that it does not extend beyond the borders of the United States. The little corner of Europe where I've been hanging out most of the winter has been attacked by a vicious coldfront this week. The temperature this morning when I drug myself out of bed to make my lovely husband coffee? -17 C (translates to about 1F) Yes, folks, nippy would be an understatment.
In contrast with these sub freezing temperatures, the sun is shining and it looks beautiful outside. One step into the wind, however, and you're instantly left wondering what could possibly have possessed you to think that going outside was a good idea. So, clearly, I'm hoping that the dire predictions of 6 more weeks of winter don't take affect here. I'm not excited by the idea of freezing excessively for the last few weeks that we're here in Czech.
In other news, I've spent a chunk of today looking into different publishing options. What a tangled web that is! With my recent book through the first round of editing, and into the hands of a few interested pre-readers already (others potentially interested in having a go with a critique can contact me and we'll chat about what I'm looking for) it is time to start the next phase of the prospect.
I can't deny that I'm a chicken when it comes to things like this. When I was in high school I wrote a couple of novels. The first one I actually sent out to publishers with stars in my eyes. The little stack of rejection letters, mostly forms, but at least one with a hand written encouragement of sorts, were enough to let me know that publishing isn't for the faint hearted. It's not just that I don't do very well with critiques, it's more that rejection is a bitter pill to swallow. I have no connections in the publishing world. I've read this and that about options, from finding an agent to self-publising, and in the end, I'm left with a spinning head and an upset stomach.
It could be that I'm just lazy. I don't relish the task of hunting down someone who is going to champion my writing to it's fullest potential. It is definitely true that I have that fear of rejection thing hanging around my neck. Regardless of the number of times I've read something and though, I could do better than that, I have nothing to show for it. I'm not a little girl anymore, dreaming of what I might be when I grow up. I'm a full fledged married adult who still hasn't figured out how to get a decent job or publish a book... Pathetic.
I don't want to let my dreams of being a published author die, but neither do I want to rush out and make a poorly informed decision. I've checked out a lot of self publishing sights, but for all that they claim, I haven't heard of any of their books. And since I haven't even figured out how to get the people I know to consistently read my blog updates, how can I expect total strangers to decide to not just pick up a book I wrote, but to actually pay good money for it. The very thought baffles me beyond belief.
Working myself into a frenzy isn't very difficult. It would be great if we lived in a world of dreams come true, where all you have to do is put yourself out there and things will magically happen. But that is not the world we live in. We live in a fallen world of shattered hopes and endless fears. I don't want to become a victim to my own insecurities, but I also don't want to make any foolish mistakes.
For now, I guess, I'll just keep looking at my options and trying to stay warm until this Arctic chill blows over.
In contrast with these sub freezing temperatures, the sun is shining and it looks beautiful outside. One step into the wind, however, and you're instantly left wondering what could possibly have possessed you to think that going outside was a good idea. So, clearly, I'm hoping that the dire predictions of 6 more weeks of winter don't take affect here. I'm not excited by the idea of freezing excessively for the last few weeks that we're here in Czech.
In other news, I've spent a chunk of today looking into different publishing options. What a tangled web that is! With my recent book through the first round of editing, and into the hands of a few interested pre-readers already (others potentially interested in having a go with a critique can contact me and we'll chat about what I'm looking for) it is time to start the next phase of the prospect.
I can't deny that I'm a chicken when it comes to things like this. When I was in high school I wrote a couple of novels. The first one I actually sent out to publishers with stars in my eyes. The little stack of rejection letters, mostly forms, but at least one with a hand written encouragement of sorts, were enough to let me know that publishing isn't for the faint hearted. It's not just that I don't do very well with critiques, it's more that rejection is a bitter pill to swallow. I have no connections in the publishing world. I've read this and that about options, from finding an agent to self-publising, and in the end, I'm left with a spinning head and an upset stomach.
It could be that I'm just lazy. I don't relish the task of hunting down someone who is going to champion my writing to it's fullest potential. It is definitely true that I have that fear of rejection thing hanging around my neck. Regardless of the number of times I've read something and though, I could do better than that, I have nothing to show for it. I'm not a little girl anymore, dreaming of what I might be when I grow up. I'm a full fledged married adult who still hasn't figured out how to get a decent job or publish a book... Pathetic.
I don't want to let my dreams of being a published author die, but neither do I want to rush out and make a poorly informed decision. I've checked out a lot of self publishing sights, but for all that they claim, I haven't heard of any of their books. And since I haven't even figured out how to get the people I know to consistently read my blog updates, how can I expect total strangers to decide to not just pick up a book I wrote, but to actually pay good money for it. The very thought baffles me beyond belief.
Working myself into a frenzy isn't very difficult. It would be great if we lived in a world of dreams come true, where all you have to do is put yourself out there and things will magically happen. But that is not the world we live in. We live in a fallen world of shattered hopes and endless fears. I don't want to become a victim to my own insecurities, but I also don't want to make any foolish mistakes.
For now, I guess, I'll just keep looking at my options and trying to stay warm until this Arctic chill blows over.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
When Snow Turns to Soup it's Just Plain Gross!!
Well, apparently editing has been keeping me plenty busy, seeing as how I've almost missed out on my two blog a week quota. I'm about half way through, so I'm feeling pretty good about things. Sometimes I want to kick myself in the head when I see how many times I use certain phrases. When I was doing edits on Daughter's of the Pond, I kept discovering the phrase "once again." I tried to cut down on that in the original writing round, but in my current book I kept finding how many times I wrote the phrase "a bit," or threw in words like "just" or "that" which are completely unnecessary half of the time. Always a growing process I guess.
The thing is, when you're writing blog posts, or e-mails, or journal entries it's okay to let little things like that go. They're part of what makes it all feel quaint or voice like. In a novel, however, you're going to end up with readers taking a tally and maybe wanting to flush your book to get the sound of your voice out of their heads. I'm hoping not to end up in that situation.
I haven't really been brutal or anything. My word count has waffled back and forth over about 200 words in each direction, so I feel weeding things out and clarifying when needed. It's also easier in an edit to see the places where you had a great word choice idea, but then forgot that you'd used the same brilliant word two sentences earlier, and threw it in a second time. Oh the joys.
Anyhow, I'll keep this brief as I have a train to catch before the end of the hour. The lovely snow that fell yesterday has sadly been rained upon. It started in the evening, and seems to have continued on and off leaving it a sickening slushy slog. I can't say I'm all that excited to walk through it to the station, but I am looking forward to the trip. I get to spend the weekend with some lovely friends in the south of Czech. When I visited them three years ago they had a beautiful fat squishy baby for me to play with, as well as three adorable older children. Since then, their number has climbed to 6 in total, including one who is under a year. Yeah! Can't wait. Will miss the husby, but I'm sure a little cuddle with baby time will keep me from getting depressed :)
No doubt there will be some glorious smilling pictures to come.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Weekend Wanderings
I can imagine that most people who happen upon my little blog would find the idea of a weekend in Germany a grand sort of event. I remember my twenty-ninth birthday when I made my first trip across the border just to add another country to my list. It was the sort of occassion when everything was worth recording. Sitting on the train, which is quite different from a typical Czech train) was an event in and of itself. If you're bored enough to flip back through the pages, I'm sure that in November '07 you can find said pictures.
Now, however, I find myself actually having family in Germany. This means that, rather than being a trip designed for exploration and sight seeing, heading across the border means spending time in a little flat full of people. It means hours of sitting at the table chatting while food is being cooked and watching tv. It means games of memory or Skip Bo. It means a set of twins gone wild. In short, these visits are now just another normal part of life.
Granted, being able to sit on the futon where we sleep, looking out on the steeple of an old Catholic Church does add to the effect. German architecture is also different than the Czech variety, so you can feel those little cultural differences, not to mention the multiple language overload, but I just don't take so many pictures.
All that to say, this post is going to be more a highlighting of events, rather than a photo filled extravaganza. It was quite a long weekend that we spent in the little village of Neunkirchen, Germany. We were driven over on Thursday at speeds that ranged all the way up to 180km, (yes that is more than 100 mph) which reminded me of the hectic ride Crystal and I once took with a random German man in his very fast Mercedes of BMW or whatever.
Anyhow, we made it safely and spent the afternoon relaxing and watching a very stressful movie called 172 Hours. It was with Czech dubbing, but it wasn't hard to follow. That also means the title might be different in English, but I'm pretty sure that's right. Then in the late afternoon the house was filled with kids and noise and all that goes along with them.
Friday the kids had school again, so the morning was pretty quite. Got to go shopping with the girls in the afternoon which was fun. I've spent enough time in the area now, that going into Weiden was all very familiar. Shopping is always enjoyable, and I got my fill of fresh clean packages, and a variety of products you just can't find in American stores. I had to pick up some Milka with Daim (which is a kind of toffee) because it's just that good.
Saturday involved another trip to the ice skating rink. The husband was feeling under the weather and, therefore, avoided the outing. This meant I got to practice my "skills" without so much pressure. I didn't fall down at all, and also managed not to stick close to the wall the whole time. I even had Nathalie make a little video so I could prove to Mark later that progress had been made :) It was nice to feel confident enough that when I watched another lady clearly having her first experience on the ice, I felt like I could show her that it really does get better.
On Sunday, we celebrated Nathalie's birthday at a huge swimming pool complex. A few of her friends were there, so the girls were well entertained. Again, Mark wasn't feeling well, so he only swam for the first hour or so, but I still had a chance to enjoy all the different pool varieties. All except the diving pool... There was a lap swimming pool that Mark and I were in for a little while. The water there was around 25C which would be like around 75 or so I think. It was pretty cold in comparison to the other pool that was 30C which felt like a nice warm bath. In tat second pool, there were different areas that bubbled or showered, or did any number of different things. It wasn't very deep, and it was where most people passed the time. It also had a place where you could go into an outdoor swimming pool of the same temperature. Keep in mind that outside it was about -7C which is like 10 or so F. Basically, really cold. It was fun though, and there was a rapids pool there, much faster than the one in Moscow. They also had a giant waterslide that I went down once. It wasn't super fast, but that suits me just fine because it meant no going underwater at the end.
They had reserved a party area as well, so we were able to go back and forth and nibble on muffins and pretzels and watch the ice hockey practice going on right outside the window. It was really quite odd to sit there in a swim suit looking at snow and watching ice skaters.
Monday morning we headed back hoome and since then things have fallen back to their usual routine. I'm working on the editing process for my novel right now. Trying to make sure everything makes sense and fits together before I seek out the next step. Perhaps it's my propensity to follow rules that makes it hard for me to know how to go about doing things for myself. I remember feeling so frustrated when I had a college degree and no idea what in the world to do with it. It's sort of the same thing now. I've got a book, so what. At least I've got something, now I'll just work hard and hope to figure out the rest.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
2012: Now Official Worldwide
Well, over here in the Czech Republic we brought in the new year with a BANG! And a pretty serious one at that. My father-in-law is amazing in the pyrotechnic department. It might have taken a little while to get it set up, but that just meant that all the amatuers were finished so they could enjoy a real show. I've got a few pictures of the set up, and I'll try to get them in later, but for now, just trust me, it was amazing.
I have now experienced New Years celebrations in 5 different countries, and I have to say that the fireworks here were by far the most exciting. We didn't go into the middle of town to see the craziness there, but out here in our little corner there were all sorts of people setting things on fire and letting them shoot up into the air all over the place. However, at the end of our display there was actually applause. Nice!
The rest of the evening was spent quietly watching TV, including some New Year's celebration from 1979 which was pretty interesting. Defintely a different era. This country sure has been through a lot during it's long and tumultuous history, and I wish it the best in the coming year.
I've also been thinking a bit about resolutions. I think I mentioned before that I've been hearing a lot more about goals vs. resolutions. There seems to be something mroe palatable in the idea of a goal that you are striving for, rather than a complete an unequivocal change in lifestyle. Some of these are rather general ideas, and others are things brought up by my inspiring husband, so let's see what I can come up with...
1) Collecting more than 5 recipes (not counting cookies) that I am not freaked out to get in the kitchen and make.
2) Publish an e-book (this one is from Mark, who is encouraging me to put out some of my old stories as free books to start creating a following)
3) Contact traditional publishers with my (soon to be) completed manuscript.
4) Finish up some of the other books I have lying around on various devices in various stages.
5) Get a job (did I mention these are in no particular order?)
6) Work on creating a more balanced and healthy lifestyle, as opposed to my general lackadaisical approach (this is partly due to the fact that, while I might still feel 23, my body has slightly different and more bloated ideas.)
7) Scrapbook of my wedding
8) General crafting incorporation into life. (I'm hoping that once we have our own place and can sort of set things up I can create a better system so it doesn't take so much effort. I'd really like to work more with the journal making project that I came up with last summer and see where it can take me.)
9) Find a way to integrate myself more into local life, wherever it is that we "end up."
10) Try to join a writer's group.
11) Improve my Czech. (This is a constant, endless, and frustratingly impossible goal, but it is something I always want to try. In my dreaming of 'someday's I imagine sitting in a real classroom with other language learners, studying Czech in a serious sort of way, but it's not likely to come anytime soon.)
12) Improve my blogging record. It would be great to hit the 100 mark. That only means a couple blogs a week, and if I stay focused I don't see why that shouldn't be manageable. I'm considering monetizing as well, but that's still in the air.
There are more things bouncing around in my head right now, but I'll stick with this as it's already a long list. as always, I want to live more, love more, and experience God more. There is so much in life to enjoy and experience, whether in good times or in bad, and I hope to continue making a concentrated to be engaged in the life that I am living, rather than just passively letting it slip by me.
So I end again with Happy New Year! and wish whoever stumbles upon this humble blog of mine all the best in life and health and love and joy in this new year.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Record Breaking
Well, I've done it. I've managed to write more posts in a month than I ever have before. This has been quite an up and down one in my own personal blogland. I've had months where I didn't write a single post, or only one or two, then I've capped it off with a mind boggling best personal posting record here in December.
In a skype chat with a friend a couple weeks ago she was pointing out how she can always tell when I have too much time on my hands. Those are the days when the posts become more frequent, even though there isn't a whole lot to say. At least it's good to know that people can benefit from the time I spend sitting around on my back side.
I've actually done all sorts of writing this month. My book has more than doubled in size since we arrived here in the Czechlands, I've written a ton of blog posts, and the big 200 page journal that I brought along for the trip is more than half filled. I did bring an extra tiny journal along, as well as my Gadanke become journal and a journal for writing notes on thankfulness in, but I'm thinking I just might have to make an extra journal purchase as well, seeing as three and four are just specialty journals.
Some might see this as overkill. And perhaps it is. Most of my journals are not meant for any sort of wider dispersion than for my and God's eyes only. My blog is read by a handful of friends and families (and the odd hits that I get from bizarre Russian URLS that make no sense to me whatsoever). I have no idea if the book I'm currently writing will end up being published, let alone a best seller (although I have a nephew who has already said he'll make the movie and a second who has asked to be the star character after hearing the briefest synopsis).
I guess it all just goes to show that writing is something I do because it is a part of who I am. As much as I love comments, as much as being published is a huge dream, I don't write for that. I write because I love it.
Well, I'm heading out to Cheb again today to hopefully meet up with some former students. Then tomorrow Tammy and I will go an see another former teacher who also married local. Should be an interesting couple of days, so I had to be sure to post a little something to get ahead of things. See I'm at 80 posts for the year with this one included, and my record for posts in a year is currently set at 82. Let's just see what I can do :)
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